Would you date a homeless hottie?
Well it’s starting to get warmer in Massachusetts, and you know what that means. The Boston homeless are coming out in huge numbers. You just got to love these people. You wont let me smoke crack while I live under your roof Mom and Dad? Suck it, it’s warm out! Some of these pan handlers would be fucking famous they are so damn funny. Too bad for meth! You take a look at these people and not only do you feel better about yourself cause you’re not homeless, you feel a little bad for them and BAM all of a sudden you feel pretty good cause you felt bad for them. “Wow, what a great guy I am. I made eye contact and felt bad for that homeless piece of shit, no wonder people think I’m awesome.”
I once had a guy tell me he would pay me 10 dollars if he couldn’t guess where I got my shoes, how many children my father had, and what state I was born in. I wasn’t even born in this country you dumb homeless fuck! Easy 10 dollars right? “You got you shoes on ya feet, yo father didn’t have any children, your mother had ya’ll, and you was born in a state of infancy! Now you give me 10 dollars!” I gave him a dollar and told him to get the fuck outta here. They may suck at being sheltered but some of these dudes can hustle.
It was said on an old Seinfeld episode that there are no good looking homeless. Well maybe not in New York Jerry, but I’ve seen a few homeless hotties in Boston for sure. My buddy Jay, kid gets more homeless ass than that dumpster behind Dunkin Donuts (Yes, it’s a poop joke) Every time I see him, a different smoke on his arm with the same story. No home, no problem, she’s got Jay in her life. No idea how he does it. He is to homeless chicks what Bieber is to Jr. High girls, they just can’t get enough of this guy. The best part is, if he takes her out and has to bring her home, he can drop this bitch anywhere. You’re home! And no, I don’t feel bad referring to homeless people as “these people” or homeless women as “bitch.” They’re homeless, and there’s no way they’re getting to a computer and checking out BazzleBabble anytime soon I’ll tell you that much.
I remember one summer Jay started to get real serious with this one homeless bitch. To the point she asked him to move in with her, outside. Dude went for it. I asked him why the hell he didn’t just let her move into his apartment. He said if they broke up he couldn’t exactly kick her back out to being homeless, I don’t even think that shit’s legal. Whereas if they break up while he is homeless with her, he can easily just move back in. Kid’s like a drunk Immanuel Kant. Now he’s like a homeless drunk Immanuel Kant, things are actually working out pretty well between those two kids.
I don’t think I could do it. I’m Catholic so no way I’m wearing a condom when I get my premarital bone sessions on. I just don’t think that’s safe with a homeless broad. Would you date someone homeless if they were hot enough?
I know Jay can’t read this cause he’s homeless and in love now, so Kell, give Jay a big shout-out from BazzleBabble.