The Boston Marathon Bomber Brothers Fame is Unfortunate, Inevitable, and Natural

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As a well-informed social guy in my mid twenties I find myself checking Facebook, Twitter, blogs, and certain news sites often throughout any given day.  Ever since the Boston Marathon Bombing my frequency on these sources of information has increased dramatically.  I want to know what’s going on, when it’s going on, where it’s going on and I need to know now.  The last time I was this interested in a current event was 9/11, which was the first thing that ever made me care at all to watch the news and attempt to understand what was happening in the world.

Maybe it’s the fact that this happened in my city, maybe it’s the fact that the story about it is absolutely crazy.  I don’t really know why, but I just can’t get enough of this story.  I’ve read the living suspect’s entire Twitter account, I listened to the Boston police scanner when the arrest happened, and I’ve even looked into all those bullshit conspiracy theories online.  Clearly there’s nothing special about me for doing these things.  I’ve spoken with a lot of people who have done the same thing and have the same obsession with this case.  The reason I’m writing this is because every time there is a tragedy in this country I see things like this. Image

It’s just like after Sandy Hook when this fake Morgan Freeman quote was floating all over the internet.

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Seriously he never said this…

Don’t get me wrong, I get it.  Obviously it is a tragedy that the people who commit these horrible acts become world-famous and remembered in the history books, and the victims quickly get forgotten.  It’s awful that this Dzhokhar Tsarnaev now has 100k Twitter followers, this is a tragedy within itself.

With any major tragedy the public always has questions. Most of these questions are somewhat simple and can be answered quickly.  Specifically in this event the questions and answers seem to be as follows:

What?  Two bombs killing three and injuring almost 300.

When?  April 15, 2013.

Who?  Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

Where?  The finish line of the Boston Marathon.

How?  Homemade pressure cooker bombs made with seemingly simple ingredients and easily obtainable instructions.

Why…

Hmm, that’s a tough one.  Nobody has the answer to this one.  Unfortunately it may be impossible for us to ever know why this happened.  Thoughts, theories, and beliefs will surely come about with time, but unless we can read the mind of the living and the dead we will never know for sure.  Why did James Holmes shoot up the movie theatre?  Why did Bin Laden orchestrate 9/11?  Why did Hitler execute the Holocaust?  Sure we can look at all the facts and the evidence and determine as a society why this probably happened.  We’ll never know for sure.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it launched man into greatness.  Curiosity leads to questions, questions lead to answers.  We can never get the answer without the original question.  The question does not exist without curiosity.

To use a cliché, the more I see the less I know.  It seems the more information we get about this event the further away we get from answering the ultimate question.  Why.  But that doesn’t stop us from asking the questions and getting more information.  I don’t think I will help get us to the conclusion of the ultimate question.  But I can’t help but think the reason I’m so curious is because I’m a living, breathing product of billions of years of evolution.  I want to know why because wanting to know why is what has made humans so great.

The fact that the horrible people who commit these acts become so famous will probably result in more people committing similar acts in order to become famous themselves.  It is a vicious cycle.  The curiosity we possess for why this happened is normal, and will hopefully and eventually result in the ultimate answer.  The sad reality is it probably will not.

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Steve Carell will not return to the office

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Laughspin“I just didn’t think it was right for the character, because that character had had an arch within the story and kind of grew and sort of evolved past the idea of the documentary… I just thought, in terms of the character, it didn’t make sense,”” Carell told Access Hollywood, adding that he’ll likely return for a set visit instead.

Ever since Michael Scott peaced out to Colorado with Holly, The Office has been like Jordan on the Wizards.  Moments of brilliance, hours of a disapointment, and a lifetime of lingering questions.  Why did you tarnish your legacy?  Was it worth it?  When will this be over?

I’m one of the few who still watches The Office.  Dwight is funny, Erin is hot, the show has its moments.  The same way Jordan once put up 40 on the Wizards, dude had that sick block off the backboard, he had its moments.  Mike never made the playoffs with in Washington, and The Office hasn’t been that good since Carell left.

I’m going to keep watching The Office cause I’m in too deep and there’s no getting out now, but I always held onto the thought that Michael Scott was going to make one last appearance.  Well he’s not, and that fucking sucks.  It’s like finishing a gross meal when you’re not that hungry.  No clue why it happens, but I need to finish.

The New Orleans Pelicans are going to be petrifying

Yahoo – The New Orleans Hornets plan to announce the official change of their nickname to the Pelicans and unveil their new colors and logo during a news conference Thursday, sources told Yahoo! Sports.

A lot of people are coming out and shitting all over New Orleans for changing their name to the Pelicans. Newsflash everyone, pelicans are terrifying. Scarier than aids. Sure, hornets are scary, but a hornet is nothing a fly swatter and some ninja reflexes can’t take care of. Did you see that Pelican eat that pigeon? Fucking ruthless! Not only is it badass because it swallowed a bird whole, but it swallowed a fucking pigeon whole. Pigeons are riddled with disease, I can’t even begin to imagine the immune system these beasts possess.

Lakers? Clippers? Thunder (not lightning, just noise) Ha ok. Pelicans all day.

Couple sues scientology for doing exactly what scientology does

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Yahoo – Two former members of the Church of Scientology claimed in a lawsuit filed Wednesday that the church and its affiliates deceived members into donating millions of dollars to misrepresented causes.

Luis and Maria Garcia of Irvine, Calif., filed the complaint in federal court in Tampa, near the church’s national headquarters in Clearwater. The couple claims they were duped into giving more than $420,000 for a building campaign, disaster relief efforts and other Scientology causes, only to find the bulk of the money went to inflate the church coffers and line the pockets of its leader, David Miscavige.

“The church, under the leadership of David Miscavige, has strayed from its founding principles,” the lawsuit claims, “and morphed into a secular enterprise whose primary purpose is taking people’s money.”

The Garcias were 28-year members of the church, rising to upper levels of Scientology. They left in November 2010 over their disenchantment with its direction under Miscavige, who has led the church since founder L. Ron Hubbard’s death in 1986.

First things first, the Garcias were 28 year members of the church, uh what??  I thought Tom Cruise invented Scientology like 5 years ago to get super rich.  Maverick just going mission very possible on the American public and pyramid shceming them for billions.  Turns out it’s been around for like 50 years.  Weird.

Anyway – Hey Garcias, you can’t sue Scientology for taking your money and putting it in their pockets, that’s exactly what Scientology is all about and if you didn’t know that you deserve to lose your $420,000 hombres.  What’s next?  Let’s sue the casinos cause we lost at blackjack!  Let’s sue the government for fucking up my tax dollars!  Let’s sue the Catholic church for the rape! 

Five things I’ve done in the past week that are more impressive than this number 1 play on Sportscenter

And this folks is what happens when you have a monopoly on broadcasting sports. You get to do whatever the fuck you want. I can just picture the producers over at ESPN smoking cigars and drinking whiskey in a huge office. “So after the two monster dunks and the absurd glove save, we play a high school girls basketball buzzer beater as the number one play, we are just drunk with power. LOL!” Cocksuckers.

Here are five things I’ve done in the last week that are more impressive than that slopdonkey buzzer beater.

1 – Got an erection after 8 beers.

2 – Watched the Patriots lose to the Ravens, and did not drive off a cliff the next day on the way to work.

3 – Took a dump with morning wood – did not pee on myself (Do you have any idea what kind of zen mental ability that takes)

4 – Had sex – Yes, this and number 1 happened at the same time, but both are separately impressive. I’m 26 years old and I live with my mother. Anytime I get laid it’s a god damn miracle.

5 – Flossed – Flossing is annoying as shit, and let’s face it the buzzer beater was not impressive at all.

Tom Hanks drops hilarious F bomb on Good Morning America

A couple of weeks ago i blogged about how Tom Hanks was the man by taping his Emmy to his car, check it out here, and now he drops an F bomb on Good Morning America.  Not only did he drop the F bomb, but when the anchor asked him to do the accent, he says “mostly I swear…” and then he comes out and swears.  Unbelievable.  And you know what the best part about this is, Tom Hanks is America’s sweetheart, and everyone is going to say, “awwww, that is so hilarious and cute, I love Tom Hanks!” If Howard Stern dropped an F bomb on GMA he would be thrown in jail.  Play on Hanks, play on.

Girl breaks up with guy, guy wins lottery for $30million

The whole video is pretty good, but skip to 3:30 mark for girlfriend comments

What a nice story, about a nice kid, with a nice family, and a whore ex girlfriend.  Hey Sunny’s ex girlfriend, I’m not sure why you broke up with him, but I’m sure it certainly wouldn’t seem like a big deal now!  Maybe now you would like to try anal, or maybe now you don’t think he spends too much time with his guy friends, or maybe now he isn’t a weird Bin Laden looking motherfucker.  Guess what, this Bin Laden looking motherfucker who hangs with his bros and wants to anal you is fucking rich!

I remember after my ex girlfriend and I broke up she went on this awesome vacation with her family, and I was like fuck… if only I could have held on for another few months.  If she had gone on a sick vacation and won $30million I probably would have just ended it all right then and there.

Is this guy serious with his leg to torso ratio?

 

I saw this guy at Chipotle the other night and had to snap a pic.  This has to be a joke right?  I mean what the hell is going on with this guy?  He’s got legs like Dikembe Mutombo, but a torso like Vern Troyer.  Straight up bizarro world.  You know how little kids draw pictures of people, and they are all legs and arms, but no torso?  That’s the look that this dude is pulling off.  You know what I’m talking about right?  This guy right here.

Dude, get a torso.  Mind-bottling stuff.

Kevin Garnett dropping N bombs on CSN

This gave me a good hearty laugh out loud moment last night.  The NBA is back, KG is back, and Paul Pierce is the best 35 year old the NBA may have ever seen.  I’m super excited to be a 3 seed, make it to the Eastern conference finals, lose in 6 or 7 games, and cry myself to sleep for about a week.  “Oh, shit outta here n-word,” indeed.

How Obama could have won the debate

I love/hate politics a lot.  I made this video strictly for entertainment purposes, not as a political statement.  Like it, love it, share it.

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